I’ve got a new laptop and I’ve been uploading my CD collection into a fresh install of iTunes,which is taking a while. It’s also causing me to listen to some songs I haven’t listened to in years. Some I haven’t listened to at all (tracks on albums I hardly played). Some Christian music, which obviously I don’t listen to much.
One for instance was a compilation I made for M. the first Christmas I knew her. It was full of quite depressing songs.
Another was a Martyn Joseph album I bought but never played. I just heard a beautiful song called ‘Have An Angel Walk With Her’ which was pretty – but more it reminded me of an old album of his I used to listen to when I was a student. Listen to and feel sad.
I got to thinking about church and faith. There is something which nourishes there. I’ve heard people in sacramentalist churches talk about Communion that way. I never had that but there was something – in worship, prayer, maybe in rolling around the floor (yes I went to one of those churches) – something that was like refueling. Life would wear me down, my enthusiasm, energy, optimism would decline, and I’d get a boost from that. OK sometimes I felt like I didn’t. But it’s something I definately haven’t felt for a very long time.
I’m missing something.