So this time last year I posted a little piece on the Doctor Who Season 2 Finale. I just watched the Season 3 finale a few hours ago. It was OK, but it was RTD over-egging the emotional pudding again. Anyway I hadn’t planned to but someone on the Ship of Fools Dr Who thread asked for a summary of the episode. So here’s my less-than-serious take on this year’s end of season show:
Can someone give me a quick summary?
Hmm let’s see.
A year has passed since last week (seems about right in terms of the wait) and Martha has been walking the earth, much in the style of Kung Fu but with less martial arts and annoying little morals.
She’s back in England now where she meets a handsome doctor – a different one. Anyway they go off together to find adventure and mad scientists.
Meanwhile back onboard S.S. How-the-hell-does-it-just-float-there? Martha’s entire family is playing servant to the Master and Jack is indulging in a little light bondage with the naughty henchmen (I was going to say evil henchmen but well…)
Martha, Doctor Two and a nice lady scientist capture a toclafane and discover its secret – they’re those future humans from a couple of weeks ago. Happiness may be a warm gun, but Utopia apparently is being a dis-embodied head in a metal football.
The Master turns the doctor into a House-Elf and puts him in a little cage by his desk. Whatever floats your boat I guess…
Martha journeys on to a dingy flat in London where she spreads the gospel of Doctorness to the huddled masses. Well the huddled dozen.
However she’s betrayed by the lady scientist and taken back to the HQ of all things Masterly. His Masterfulness explains that in the past year he’s built a fleet of Thunderbirds rockets and is going to launch them to attack some unspecified part of the universe via black holes. Or maybe it’s the black holes he’s attacking – not quite sure. Bad black holes.
Martha is brave and laughs in the face of death and in the ankles of John Simm. Not getting the joke he becomes annoyed. Martha explains she’s organised a World-Wide Day of Prayer for the Overthrow of Evil Timelords. A little chanting, a little manipulating of the Archangel telepathic network and the Doctor turns from House-Elf into a combination of Christ, Harry Potter and Willow from Buffy in full-on glowy floaty power mode. Mostly he turns back into David Tennant and out of sheer relief at not having to wear the old makeup announces that he forgives the Master. If you thought he was annoyed before, forgiving him just makes him tetchy.
Jack shoots up the Tardis a bit to get rid of the nasty redness causing the Paradox and that turns back time (Cher would be so pleased) to last week/year.
In all the confusion Martha’s mum grabs a gun and fails to shoot the Master. Fortunately his wife does it instead. Despite being held by the Doctor and receiving a speech that Romeo would think a bit much he dies out of spite. The Doctor is naturally peeved by this but cheers himself up by re-enacting that bit from Return of the Jedi and burns the body on a big pile of wood.
So that’s it. No more Master. Dead and gone. There was some mysterious woman with dodgy red nails picking up some ring from the ashes but I’m sure that’s not at all significant and hardly worth mentioning.
The Doctor and Martha dump Captain Jack back in Cardiff in order to set up the next series of Torchwood. Turns out he’s the Face of Boe. Or will be if he moisturises for the next 5 billion years.
Martha finally decides if she can’t join the Doctor she’d better be one and goes back to her normal life. Not before leaving her mobile with his Tennantness and telling him to call. Subtle eh?
So the Doctor is once again alone. Shrugging he leaves to wander the universe by himself. Or he would if at that moment the Tardis wasn’t hit by a bloody great boat. Told you that was no iceberg…
I may have missed a bit. Certainly there was at least twenty minutes of sentimental crap but then it’s R.T. Davies doing a Doctor Who finale. At least it was better than last year.
What’s the betting that right now there are merchandising folks preparing Doctor-as-house-elf dolls. I’d buy one, he looked kinda cute.
Ahem.
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So I guess see you this time next year… We now return you to your regular scheduled Potterness.