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Lesamy Week 23 – The Cost of Freebies

So after last week’s ‘tough week’ this was supposed to be the week where I knuckled down again and started making more serious progress to the next milestone.

Yeah right, erm, ok.

When I first started Lesamy you’ll recall that one of the ‘rules’ was that I am allowed a ‘cheat day’ once a week of upto 2300 calories instead of my normal 1800. I’ve never really done this. What I did instead was invent the ‘freebie’. A freebie is a day, an evening or occasionally a weekend when I stop counting calories. During a ‘freebie’ I can eat and drink what I like and it doesn’t count.

I started this because early on I went to spend a weekend with M. and I wanted to relax and I also didn’t want her to feel like she suddenly had to change her eating habits because I was with her. I told myself I’d still eat sensibly – not have snacks, watch portion size that kind of thing – but I was consciously not going to count calories.

It’s a strategy that’s worked well. Partly because it gives me the regular ‘treating myself’ times that a cheat day was supposed to achieve. However mostly I think because in the early days I could have a freebie and still lose weight. That’s getting tougher.

It’s getting tougher because I’m losing less on average generally so there’s less slack in there, but also because the freebies are getting bigger. That ‘…but still eat sensibly’ bit has gotten a bit squeezed out.

This week for instance I’ve had two freebies and they’ve both been quite big. I hope I’ve learnt from them and will try not to repeat the mistakes.

Freebie 1 was on Wednesday when I finished my final story for Eurofiction. As a celebration I took a freebie. I deliberately went and bought some of the kinds of thing I used to eat a while back – real junk food – microwaveable burgers, pork pie, sausage roll. You know what? I didn’t enjoy them. Too greasy and too much.

Freebie 2 was on Friday when I went to the pub at lunchtime. Normally I try to only have 1 freebie a week but when I get invited to the pub I like to go because it’s social. Unfortunately alcohol is a danger because not only is it calorfiic but it lowers your defences. It had been someone’s birthday and they’d bought donuts – too many donuts as it turned out. So when I got back to the office, a little merry, and saw they were there I had about four. Apart from anything else it made me ill to have so much sickly sugary stuff.

Actually I used to do ok with the pub visits and I can’t help wondering if it’s because of my lunches. It used to be the case that I bought my lunch in town. A fairly low-cal sandwich and baked crisps. However on days where I got an invite to the pub it was invariably too late to buy something so I’d go, eat a pub lunch -usually something with chips – and have a couple of beers. I’d feel guilty but write it off as a freebie.

Since we moved to the new office it’s too far to go into town and I’ve been bringing packed lunches. Which is better but if we go to the pub then I’m drinking on a much less full stomach which means I’m liable to go for snacks on the way back – such as the donuts in this case. So ironically – I might be better off having a plate of chips at the pub.

I make it sound like I go to the pub a lot – actually it’s once or twice a month at most – but I do need to be careful.

Anyway I think I need to reign in the freebies – stick to one a week and remember they’re not supposed to be free-for-alls.

Here’s  my stats for this week:

Weekly loss: 0.2kg (0.4lb)
Total loss: 30.3kg (66.8lb or 4st 10lb)
Current weight: 113.8kg (250lb or 17st 12lb)


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lesamy

Lesamy Week 22 – Tough Week

It’s been a tough week. First of all I guess I relaxed a bit after last week’s big loss. Also I had one pub lunch day (allowed) but I also had a day where we had cakes for someone’s birthday, and another when we had “treats” for a company meeting. Normally I’d try to only have one of those type of things a week. I also had a couple of days when I missed my exercise.

By the weekend I was back on track as far as my normal regime goes but I was struggling a bit. I’d gotten a taste for eating again. I wanted to eat nice stuff, just because I fancied it. I managed to keep to my calorie limit but it was more of an effort of the will than it’s been lately. A similar thing happened with the exercise. I could easily have gone for a walk both Saturday and Sunday but I didn’t and ended up doing an hour on the stepper – most grudgingly.

Still it can’t all be easy huh? and I did do it in the end. I guess it just worries me when I have these kinds of struggles because I think it’s easier to will myself to do stuff now when I’m heading for a target than it will be when I’m just trying to maintain the weight.

But hey ho, here I am again looking on the glass-is-half-empty side.

Weekly loss: 0.6kg (1.3lb)
Total loss: 30.1kg (66.4lb or 4st 10lb)
Current weight: 114kg (251lb or 17st 13lb)


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flubbage lesamy

What I did Tonight

So tonight M. sent me two photos she had. This one was taken on Sat 16th Aug 2008 – about 1 month before I started dieting:
before

and then this one was taken on 10th January 2009 – about a month ago:
after

and what I did tonight was make this:
fat_to_thin

OK, it’s a bit crude but I like it 🙂

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lesamy

Lesamy Week 21 – Not Giving Up (yet)

TV Program + Blog = Thoughtful

This has been an interesting week. This week I watched a TV program called “Why Thin People Aren’t Fat?” and I read a blog on something called ‘Fat Acceptance’.

This has made me think, which is almost never a good thing.

OK in order to write about this I need to try to sum up what I got from these sources of ideas, otherwise I’ll be here all night. Here goes:

Dieting is bad

OK no, that’s not it. Or it’s only a small part of it. Let me try again.

First the TV program. This was a Horizon program from the BBC. For those that don’t know this means it’s a fairly serious, if populist, science program. They repeated a little-know experiment which showed that some thin people almost literally can’t get fat. What I got from this show was:

  • your body has a kind of built-in notion of how heavy it thinks you should be
  • it (your body) tries to maintain this weight
  • so if you’re “meant” to be fat you probably will be
  • and you’ll struggle to lose weight and put it back on easily
  • which doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try but be realistic:

What may be depressing for many people who are overweight [is] to know that a large amount of weight-loss is very difficult to maintain in the long term. However we know that small amounts of weight-loss will make you healthier and actually is much easier to maintain.

Dr Carel le Roux, Imperial College London.

There was lots more than that but that’s the gist of what I got from it.

Now the blog. This is more political. I only read a few recent posts and some with intriguing titles. But what I gained from this was:

  • dieting really is bad
  • because it sets unrealistic expectations
  • and because it rarely works, certainly not long-term
  • i.e. 95% of dieters don’t keep off the weight
  • of the 5% remaining the majority end up working in fitness, gyms, personal training etc
  • i.e. it becomes a full time job keeping the weight off
  • we should rebel against unrealistic images and expectations
  • in particular BMI is a load of rubbish
  • you can be healthy without being thin
  • in fact it’s probably healthier than dieting
  • in case I forgot to mention it dieting is bad

Now all this very interesting and some of it is new to me so it certainly made me question what I’m doing. And that made me a little sad.

Why? Because regardless of whether it’s doing me any good or not the sense of achievement, the satisfaction I’ve gained from actually sticking to something and seeing results has been great. But now there’s reason to believe that I’ll probably find it impossible to maintain and if I do it’ll be like a fulltime job and I’ll constantly feel hungry (one study showed that obese people on a “maintenance diet” still felt hungry all the time).

So am I right to worry or is this typical Shuggie paranoia?

What’s Good About What I’m Doing

Well the good news is that I am already doing some good things. The essence of HAES is eating well, taking exercise and self-acceptance. Well I certainly eat better than I did and I do lots of exercise. More than I did and more than I need simply to lose weight (see below). As for self-acceptance well yes and no. But that’s a bigger issue than just my weight, though I have got sucked into thinking how nice it would be to be “thin” again.

So…

Reasons Not to Quit Lesamy

The first is this “natural weight” thing. How do you know what it is? In the program they said most adults gain only around 20-30lbs across their entire adult lives. At 18 I was 10 1/2 stone, a few months ago (41) I was 22 1/2. That’s a little more than 30lbs. In other words I wasn’t maintaining some natural weight I was getting bigger and that’s not good.

So maybe I do have a natural weight, and maybe it’ll still be fat by everyday standards. But if I’m doing exercise and not eating crap and generally being reasonably healthy then I’ll be ok with that. I’ll have to give up the dream of being thin but I’ve been fat my whole adult life, I think I’ll cope.

I Haven’t Stopped Yo-ing Yet

One thing all this reminded me which I pretty much have known for years is that yo-yo dieting is worse for you than not dieting at all. But I’m not yo-yoing yet. I’m still on the way down. Maybe I will be one of the 95% but maybe not. If I’d had to predict it I would have say that I would never have got this far. I would have said that I would have lost a few pounds , maybe even a stone or more, but put most of it back on again, and so on, a few times by now. So maybe, just maybe, I’m capable of keeping at least some of this off.

And you know what? If not. If I go back up then I’ll just keep up the exercise and healthy eating and call it a win.

Maintenance

But I honestly think I can maintain it.

Why? Because I haven’t been hungry all the time. Despite surviving on 1800 calories a day I’ve felt ok most of the time. If I had to live on this regime the rest of my life, I could. I’d rather have a few more treats every now and then, but it’s not like I’m even missing those completely. Plus that’s a diet based on losing weight. My plan to maintain it will allow me a few more calories and at least one “day off” per week.

Conclusion

So to conclude. I’ve had a lot to think about but that’s actually good. It’s made me really think about what I’m doing and look at my motives and confirm what’s good about it. There’s a lot in these sources I agree with, specifically,

  • need to be realistic, I may always be “fat”
  • remember healthy != thin and fat != unhealthy
  • BMI is dubious at best
  • acceptance is a good thing, self-acceptance particularly

However I don’t think that I’m actually endangering my health right now and the benefits in terms of self-esteem, accomplishment and yes, feeling fitter are real.

So I’m carrying on.

So Many Words – What About a Few Numbers?

OK so you’re bored rigid by now by my meandering thought processes (so why you reading my blog?), what about this week’s stats? Before I post them, a quick word about exercise.

End of last week I developed a large blister on my foot. Right between my big toe and the next one. It wasn’t painful but it made walking, even using the stepper, awkward. So on Tuesday I abandoned exercise for the week. I thought it would be a good experiment. Ever since I got my pedometer I’ve been aware that exercise doesn’t account for very much of my weight-loss, how much would I lose even without it? Here’s the answer:

Weekly loss: 2kg (4.4lb)
Total loss: 29.5kg (65lb or 4st 9lb)
Current weight: 114.6kg (252lb or 18st)

This is a number of milestones. I’m under 115kg, I’m 18stone even and I’ve now lost just over 20% of my original body weight.

So yes it’s mainly the diet and not the exercise that’s causing the weight-loss. Which in a weird way just re-inforces that I need to keep up the exercise because it’s that that’s doing me more good and it’s that that will keep me healthy if I do eventually yo back up.

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lesamy

Lesamy Week 20 – A Little Bit Down

…as in my weight and my mood.

Weekly loss: 0.3kg (0.7lb)
Total loss: 27.5kg (60.6lb or 4st 4lb)
Current weight: 116.6kg (257lb or 18st 5lb)

*sigh*

I’m not quite sure what went wrong. OK so I have still lost weight and it’s not a tiny amount but it’s still fairly small. Meanwhile I’ve had a week where I’ve not only stuck to the rules but had a lot of exercise. I’ve worked hard this week and unlike some weeks it’s felt like it.

I’ve been hovering around this general weight for the last three weeks. Is this me finally hitting the “plateau”? Makes you think about targets and goals. I once said that,

“As long as my general health and fitness was ok I didn’t feel inclined to go chasing a particular body image.”

But I have haven’t I? I mean I’m fit enough now to not worry about falling over if I have to run for a bus. So the fact I’ve kept going, kept losing weight must mean I want to look slimmer right?

I do. I admit it. I not only want to be healthier, I want to be thinner. But I’m not there yet and it’s taking so bloody long.

Don’t worry I’m not giving up. I’m just having a whinge. It’s my blog and I’ll… (well you know the rest)


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lesamy

Lesamy Week 19

Weekly loss: -0.1kg (-0.2lb)
Total loss: 27.2kg (60lb or 4st 3lb)
Current weight: 116.9kg (257lb or 18st 5lb)

It’s been another week where I put on weight slightly. Although given that it’s only 100g (that’s a small glass of water) I’m seeing it as maintaining last week’s weight. Which I’m quite happy with because I had quite a big week from Tue-Fri. We were moving offices at work and I was helping out. This meant lots of extra hours, lots of lifting and carrying, but also ordering pizzas and a couple of pub lunches.  It also meant that I over-compensated because I knew I was doing lots more exercise (I could feel that as I flopped into bed exhausted). I had a bit of a pig-out on Thursday.

So all in all the fact that I managed to pull it back at the weekend means I’m not unhappy.


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Lesamy Week 18 – Back on Track

Not much to say about this week. I’m back on track again. Losing weight again. Worrying that it may be too much too quickly, again.

Weekly loss: 2kg (4.4lb)
Total loss: 27.3kg (60.2lb or 4st 4lb)
Current weight: 116.8kg (257lb or 18st 5lb)


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lesamy

Lesamy Week 17 – Moromy!

Well it had to happen sometime. I made it through various evenings out, weekends away, pub lunches, Christmas and other potential pitfalls and now, finally, this week I put on weight:

Weekly loss: -0.2kg (-0.4lb)
Total loss: 25.3kg (55.8lb or 3st 13lb)
Current weight: 118.8kg (261lb or 18st 9lb)

Or did I? I still feel like last week’s was a fake number. Either way over the last two weeks I’ve lost over 6lbs which is still good going.

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lesamy

Lesamy Week 16 – Back on Track or Broken Scales?

Weekly loss: 3kg (6.6lb)
Total loss: 25.5kg 56.2lb or 4st)
Current weight: 118.6.9kg (261lb or 18st 9lb)

Wow! 3kg is big. It’s more than I’ve lost since week two. It’s big enough to make me suspicious. As you’ll recall I did have some problems with my scales before Christmas, giving me silly low numbers, but I replaced the battery and it seemed to be ok again. Also I’ve checked it with smaller items against the kitchen scales and it seems to be accurate.

Actually I suppose I have stepped up the exercise slightly and this is the first week in quite a while when I haven’t had a meal out or a pub lunch or something. Anyway I’m choosing to go with it on the basis that if it’s wrong it’s a bit like an estimated reading on the gas bill – it all works out correctly in the end.

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Lesamy Week 15 – So this is Christmas…

…what have we done?

I guess Christmas is always going to be a significant event for any dieter, for me it had at least three important aspects this year. First Christmas means Christmas dos, which mean alcohol and food. Second Christmas means Christmas at home (my parents home that is) which means food and various chocolatey treats.  Third, Christmas was a kind of milestone – it was where I initially hoped to lose 10% by, and it was also the end of the first page of my spreadsheet*.

My Sister, Watcher of Weight

One of the first things I found out when I got home was not just that, as expected/hoped for, I got the “Ooh you’ve lost weight” reaction, but that my sister is also dieting. She’s doing Weight-Watchers and has been for the last 5 weeks. She’s lost 8lbs and has another 8lbs to go before she reaches her target. She’s also become a little obsessed with it – which is how come I got this entire story before I saw her – she’d been telling anyone who would listen, including the family, all about it.

I mention this partly to tell a funny anecdote about my dad. He was sure (rightly as it turned out) that she’d tell me all about it as soon as we met. He wanted me to reply to the news that she’d lost 8lbs with “That’s nice, I’ve lost 50.” I didn’t. It would have been funny, but a little too mean.

The other reason I mention it is because my Sister exhibited a mild form of something I’ve come to recognise, which is the apparent need to give advice. It’s happened to me a few times now. I happen to mention I’m on this diet and the person I’m telling asks me how much I’ve lost. I tell them. Then they ask me how I’ve done it. I tell them. Usually at some point during the details of this they feel the need to let me know how I could be doing it better. Which I find odd. I’ve lost 50lbs in 15 weeks. I must be doing something right.

Now it’s not really fair to put this all on my sister. She has a mild case as I said, and she really wasn’t telling me what I’d done wrong so much as congratulating me that by sheer luck I’d managed to replicate the principles that underlie the WW method.

It works for her. I’m glad of that. This works for me. :0)

Christmas Week Weakness

So how was Christmas itself? Well it was always going to be a ‘holiday’ from the diet. My way of handling times when I need to be social so far has been to take a break from the regime. I can get away with this because it’s so infrequent. This was a whole week (well five days) though. I learnt a few things.

I learnt that alcohol is bad for dieting. I already knew that I am able to have chocolate, deserts or other calorie-filled goodies in moderation as a treat. I have the self-control to have just one piece of chocolate and leave the rest. However if I have alcohol, itself full of calories, my resistance to temptation is severely compromised.

I learnt that given the chance to come off the diet I will take the opportunity to pig out. This is not great. It’s good that I can say “after Friday I’m back on the diet” and stick to it. It’s not brilliant that I use the intervening time to swallow all the calories I can.

I learnt that this diet is for the long haul. OK I sort of knew that but emotionally it sunk in. Consciously or otherwise I’d allowed this week to become a sort of milestone that I was heading for. I’d told myself (and others) that this needed to be an indefinite change in lifestyle but secretly I harboured a hope of “once I get to Christmas I can relax abit”. This was at least partly because I expected to have made more progress than I have. Or rather I expected the progress I have made to look more significant. Also I’d gotten used to a frankly unrealistic rate of weight loss. If I extrapolate my current weight loss I’ll reach my target weight somewhere around the one year mark. That’s ok. I just need to keep going.

Any Good News Misery-Guts?

This all sounds a bit negative but there is actually good news. Not only have I not put on weight over Christmas but I’ve even gone down a little. These are the results based on last time I weighed myself properly (i.e. week 13):

Loss since week 13: 0.7kg (1.5lb)
Total loss: 22.5kg (49.6lb or 3st 7lb)
Current weight: 121.6kg (268lb or 19st 2lb)

A Graph

Here’s a graph from the first (now complete) page of my spreadsheet.

A Graph
A Graph

The 10% reduction is self-explanatory. The “milestone” is a mini-target that I kept moving (usually it went down in 5lb intervals) every time I hit it.

[*]Yes I know a spreadsheet can scroll and therefore doesn’t need to have “pages” – but I designed mine in sections so a section (or “page”) would all fit on the visible screen. The first page ended with 29th Dec.